Holding On
by Author IzzyV
Summary: Izzie Anne Curtis was only six when her parents died. It's been nine years and all but her and her oldest brother Darry have moved out of Tulsa. Things have gotten horrible, but will it take a terrifying tragedy to save their family? *Post book, Johnny and Dally are alive!*
1. Chapter 1

Outsiders Fan Fiction

Holding On

Chapter one:

You know it's really hard being a little sister. Especially a Curtis sister.

I was six when my parents died in a car crash and I have all since forgotten them now that I'm fifteen. My oldest brother Darrel, whom we call Darry, took custody of me and my two other brothers Sodapop and Ponyboy. Their "gang" became more like a real family, but even then I stood out. I was the youngest and the only girl so I already felt like a loner.

Two-bit Matthews and Steve Randle were nice to me, but wouldn't even stand to be around me if it weren't for my brothers. Dallas Winston treated me like a sister and though he'd be caught dead saying it out loud, I think he cares about me. Johnny is my favorite out of the whole bunch. I know for a fact that he loves me, and right about now that's one of the only things that gets me through the days.

Everything that could have gone bad seemed to. I tried to stay close to them, afraid that one day I'd fall asleep without saying good night and when I woke up they'd be gone, leaving me wishing I could have said I love you one more time.

Ponyboy and his best friend Johnny got caught up in some murder rap and after that, I'm sorry to say, it became all about him. He was the one that would get somewhere someday, Sodapop babied him, Darry was protective of him, and I was just the Curtis accessory. Then Pony published The Outsiders which he so conveniently left me out of and I was history. Sure he lied about a couple of things, I mean Johnny and Dally almost died, but they didn't. But leaving me out of it entirely? I started to feel like they were giving me subtle hints to pack up and leave.

I just couldn't understand it. I was just as smart as my older brother, but maybe they didn't see it because I was only eight and they couldn't seem to have a firm grasp on the fact that maybe I was understanding what was happening around me.

Then when Ponyboy graduated college and said he'd be moving away, the gang realized that maybe Tulsa was getting too small for them too. I remember that day. That one god awful day when almost everyone I loved got up and left me with Darry, moving all around the country it seemed, I can't get it out of my head if I tried.

"_Do you promise you'll come visit on the weekends?" I sniffed, not letting go of my brother. He'd sort of taken on the role of my mother and I could plainly recall what happened to my last one. _

_He sighed and held me tighter before releasing me so he could look into my eyes. "Every weekend. I'll even call you every night before bed so it'll be like I'm tucking you in at night with Darry, savvy?" _

_I nodded, not trusting my voice to form complete sentences. He got up, sparing me one last glance, then threw his duffel bag over his shoulder and went out the door. _

_He was the last one to go. I'd already made my farewells to Two-bit, Steve, Dally, Johnny, and Ponyboy, and I still couldn't believe they were going. _

_I watched as his car left, leaving behind a broken house. It was just me and Darry now, but it felt empty without them. I wasn't going to blame them. They sacrificed most of their lives for me. And I know I'm being selfish, but I wished they had waited until I was all grown up too. _

_But they promised they'd come back to live in Tulsa when I was thirteen so they could help Darry with my crazy messed up teenage years. _

_I could tough it out until then, right?_

Well my thirteenth birthday came and went and I knew they'd forgotten about their promise. In fact, I think all of my brothers forgot they had a sister, even the one that lived with her.

The whole gang had made good on their visiting for the first couple of months. They'd come and stay in our house for the weekends and for those days everything felt like it should. But then Steve stopped visiting, claiming he was too busy. Then Two-bit stopped saying he was always too drunk to remember and needed to work for his rent on the weekends. Then Pony stopped because he went back to college in some far off state. And finally Soda stayed away because now he had his own garage to run.

I started to need to depend on Darry more and he started to not be there for me. He started drinking, which I'd never seen him do before. He started yelling at me a lot more. He started to become a regular greaser, and I knew he wished he could move out of this town too if it weren't for me and I started to hate myself every day because of it.

But Dally and Johnny still visited. They were room mates in some apartment in Chicago so if one came they both did. They became the ones I called when I was in trouble or needed help with something because I couldn't count on anyone else anymore.

And I needed a lot of help. We moved out of our house and into a new one, a smaller one. Darry got a girlfriend who hated my guts and was sure to show it physically. Darry would go for months at a time avoiding me in our own house for reasons I couldn't fathom. I got into some trouble around town.

My reasoning was that if I became a wayward teen, Darry would start caring and yelling at me to straighten out. And just maybe he'd call all six of my missing brothers so come back and talk some sense into me. But he never noticed.

I would drink, I'd hang out with the wrong guys, I'd go looking for trouble, I'd go and run away, and let me tell you it brought more harm than good.

And suddenly I realized that everything that could go wrong hadn't happened all those years ago, it was happening now.

My epiphany probably came after the worst of it, I was at the lowest I could get. I ran away to New York for five weeks, and having "the time of my life". One night I was leaving a party in a bad part of town and someone jumped me. I was raped and shot and I was barely alive when some garbage men found me and called the hospital.

The shot had hit some important internal organs and I only just made it through. That's when I decided I needed to call someone to help me. Dally and Johnny came like my knights in shining armor, but Johnny was the only one who knew about the rape. It really freaked me out.

When I got home, Darry's girlfriend Cathy beat me for coming back at all. Apparently she was about to inform Darry that I'd been gone so long, wasn't coming back, and now they could enjoy their lives together free of me. Then she chucked a letter at my head.

"Here! They keep calling and asking where you are so just take it and tell them to leave us the hell alone."

I opened it and discovered that it was from a school called Briar Prep. They were the classiest private school in the entire mid west and they were offering me a full scholarship. I knew I was smart, but I didn't expect this.

I was already running down the hallway before I could realize, ready to tell Darry. I found him sitting at the kitchen table, looking way too tired for a twenty-eight year old, but I hoped he could be happy for me.

Then he said, "Whatever the hell you want, it can wait. I have to get these bills paid which is becoming a struggle with all the shit I have to buy you." Then he looked back down at his papers.

I started crying and raced to my bedroom, slamming the door. I'd run away in the first place after Darry's speech that Cathy was moving in and their decisions were for both of them. It confirmed that Darry must want his girlfriend to hit me everyday.

He doesn't even buy me anything. I work odd jobs around the town to pay for clothes I can buy used at the thrift shop while he practically buys Cathy all the shoes and jewelry she wants.

So I forged Darry's signature and started attending Briar Prep. I moved into my best friend Benjamin's house. He was a Soc whose parents had always tried to have a girl but miscarried every time. I hung out with a new crowd, became friendly with every person I met in town, started a band, continued to visit with Dally and Johnny, struggled to get over my fear of being raped, made straight A pluses, and still tried to get my brothers to notice me.

That was a year ago and Darry has yet to even realize that I've moved out.

Yeah, it's hard being a Curtis sister when you've just about given up hope that anyone cares about you at all. You're so close to taking your own life, but hanging on that small hope that they'll waltz in one day to apologize and tell you how much they love you.

It's unrealistic, but I have to at least try to imagine because they're my brothers, and they deserve that much.

My name is Izzie Anne Curtis and this is only the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All rights go to S.E. Hinton; I only own the plot and a few characters**

**P.S. These are the ages of all of the characters**

**Darry- 30**

**Sodapop- 28**

**Ponyboy- 25**

**Steve- 27**

**Two-bit- 29**

**Dallas-**** 27**

**Johnny- 27**

**Izzie- 15**

Chapter Two:

Darry P.O.V.

Work was hard again, as always. I miss the days when I'd come home to purple dinner and the promise of a back message to put me to sleep. I felt a pang of sadness. I hadn't talked to any of my brothers in years, and it's been even longer since I've seen them, blood or not.

I'm driving through town on the way to the grocery store. Cathy called and told me she wanted some strawberry ice cream so here I am.

In all truth, I've been thinking about dumping that girl for eight weeks now, she's a bitch and a sadistic bitch at that. But I've spent years with her and she always tells me stories about how well she and Iz are getting along.

I don't know what happened. One day I was Izzie's best friend and she was telling me everything, the next she tells Cathy that she hates me and never wants to see me again. I miss her so much, but Cathy always reports that she's still mad at all of us, her brothers, and she feels like they abandoned her and I let them. That's why I haven't invited any of them to stay. But of course that made the guys think they weren't welcome so it's pretty much been me and Cathy.

I try to give Iz some space, but it's all I can do not to rush into her room, swing her up in my arms, and hug the daylights out of her.

I'm still mad at myself. The last time I saw her was 349 days ago, I've been keeping count and glory can she hold a grudge. She actually came to me, if I wasn't such a jerk in my bad mood, all of this could have been resolved 349 days ago.

My boss had almost fired me that day because I was so out of it, being the anniversary of my parent's death. Then I come home and find out that Cathy hadn't made dinner because she was out, probably cheating one me, and getting drunk. I heat up a microwavable dinner and start on the bills only to find that one of my credit cards is maxed out and I barely have enough to pay rent let alone to but food.

When Izzie comes out she seems happy, but a part of me thinks it's Cathy so I blow up in her face. After I look down at the bills again I realize the happy look on her face crushed as she hears what I have to say when she comes to me for the first time since Sodapop and Ponyboy left.

By the time I realize it was her, I jump out of my seat and start off running towards the sound of sobs, but my so called girlfriend stopped me. "She needs time to herself. You'll only make it worse."

Now I think about how wrong Cathy was.

Wait.

If she was wrong on that, then maybe she is about everything else too! I'll talk to Izzie tonight and Cathy will have moved out by morning! So now I'm driving to the supermarket for a whole different reason. I'll buy Iz's favorite desserts and we'll celebrate just like we used to after a rumble.

I walk into the store like a man on a mission only to be stopped in my tracks. Dallas and Johnny, my best buddies, were standing on the checkout line right here in Tulsa! I run up to them, noticing how surprised they look as well.

"Darry?" Johnny asks me, a little stunned. Well how do you think I feel?

"What are you guys doing back in Tulsa? It's been years!" I hug them with all my might. If Izzie and I are made up, them maybe we can invite them over and they can move back in soon. They've been waiting for me to tell them to after all, they miss us as much as we miss them.

"What're you doing here?" Dally asks me.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? What are you doing here?" Now I was more than a little suspicious.

"Umm, buying Doritos and some beer?" Johnny responds as if it were a question. I notice how much the two of them have changed. They're both closer to my height and size than I'd care to admit. Johnny has obviously been to the gym more than I have recently and he lost that kicked puppy look after living on his own so long. Dallas looks more mature, less reckless and willing to get put into jail today than I'd ever remembered him.

"Have you seen Izzie yet, does she know you're in town?" They share a glance and I become wary. "Nothing's wrong, is there?"

"No, nothing's wrong. It's just that we come to see your sister every weekend now. I thought you knew." Dallas said while Johnny winced. I was shocked. They came every weekend? Obviously I was more wrong about Iz than I thought.

"Alright then, I have to go talk to her. Stop by whenever, you hear?"

I proceeded to speed walk out of the supermarket and get into my car before the fear set in. If I didn't know about this, what else did I not know about?

"What do you mean she no longer attends that school anymore? Where the hell is she!" I shout into the phone. When I came home to find Cathy drunk it wasn't anything unusual. But then I got to Izzie's room and found it completely empty. There were no belongings anywhere and even the bed was stripped of sheets like some deserted guest room.

I panicked. I bolted to the bathroom next door and screamed at Cathy to tell me what she knew as she threw up the contents of her stomach. She simply muttered one word, "gone".

I then called the school and they told me that she no longer attends school there like I was stupid. "I'm afraid I have no idea Mr. Curtis. However, we have on record that you signed the papers allowing her to drop out." The secretary responded obviously bored.

"I did no such thing!" I yelled, causing the house to shake. Then I hung up and ran out of the house, ready to search the town at a frantic pace to find my sister.

*1 Week Later*

Izzie's P.O.V

I walked out of the school in a good mood, great even. I had gotten an A+ on my algebra test even though it's my worst subject and my adopted brother Ben promised to take me to ice cream if I did well. Then I found out that I made the school spring kick boxing team, my band 'The Outsiders' (based off of my brother's book) won first place in the talent show and has three more gigs scheduled for this weekend, and I'm the lead of the school's musical Annie.

So you could say I'm doing well.

I took a look around our private school as I wait for Ben to hurry up and leave the school so he could drive us home. It's based on your brain and how smart you are, not your class. No one gets special privileges based on the amount of money they have, and there aren't even the common Tulsa titles of greaser or soc.

Ponyboy would be proud if not a little jealous.

I think back to my brothers. Johnny and Dally visited last weekend like they usually did and told me that Darry finally realized I was missing. A little slow don't you think? They told me he was frantic and desperate and that I had to go talk to him, but I refused.

He was never there when I needed him to be. Why should I be there for him now? But it was Thursday which means they'll be waiting at the house when I get there. They always come to watch rehearsals because even the infamous Dallas Winston says they're tuff. And why shouldn't they be? We're seven kick ass musicians, who just happen to be best friends from all walks of life; greasers, socs, middle class, you name it we got it. Not to mention I'm lead guitarist and singer.

"Hey daydreamer! You wanna come home tonight or what?" Ben asked as he out of the school, backpack slung across one shoulder.

"You're one to talk slowpoke. What exactly were you doing in there? Painting the classrooms?" I retorted playfully.

"No, I just like to keep all of my space clean, unlike some people I know."

"Oh, I'm so sure. Tell that to your pigsty of a room."

He laughed and threw an arm around me as we walked to his car. Then He showed up and my perfect day was almost ruined.

"Izzie! Listen to me; you need to let me explain what happened." Blake, my ex-boyfriend tried to trick me into talking to him.

See, Blake was my boyfriend for a really long time. But the one argument it seemed we were always having was that I didn't want to have sex with him. In fact, we never even got close enough for our relationship to be called intimate but I thought he loved me anyway.

I mean, he's seventeen but I'm only fifteen. Not to mention that after getting raped, I can't think about it without having a panic attack. I actually have medication for when the memories of that night get too bad; inhaler and everything.

So the night of our second anniversary rolled around and Blake was nowhere to be found. One of his friends told me he had headed over to Buck's and I was automatically annoyed. He knew I didn't like going to that part of town in case I ran into someone from my old life. Ben drove me and I went inside only to have Buck himself tell me he was upstairs in the bedroom. I didn't want to believe it.

But then I walked in and caught him red handed having sex with some cheap whore. It was disgusting and I screamed.

He was up and out of the bed a mile a minute and I could tell from the swaying of his movements and the slur of his voice that he was drunk as hell. "What are you doing?" I cried so loud I was surprised Darry couldn't hear me from home.

And you know what he said? "You weren't giving it to me. So I had to find someone who would." So my kick boxing training kicked in and I beat him up badly. Then I turned on my heel and ran out of there crying like I never had before.

Ben comforted me and took me home.

This was my first time talking to him since then. "Not gonna happen, Blake."

"No," He grabbed my arm, making me wait. "You have to listen."

"She doesn't have to listen to a thing you say, you bastard. Let her go before you get hurt." Ben jumped to my defense.

Blake snarled. "Get out of this Timothy. This is between the two of us."

"She's my sister. That makes me part of this."

Blake was about to say something else when I cut him off. "Listen, I don't need your lame excuses about being drunk and not knowing what you were doing. It wasn't a one time thing and you and that prostitute know it so leave me alone."

I pulled away from him and Ben and I were sitting in the car with the doors locked before he could even register what I'd said. Then we were driving away.

As soon as they were a block away I burst into tears. Ben seemed startled but not surprised and he tried to console me. "It's gonna be okay Iz, that sonuvabitch is gone now and if he ever bothers you again I'm sure your new kickboxing friends can handle him."

I sniffed and tried to regain my composure. "You heard then?"

"Well it was the talk of the school today! You're the youngest kid to ever be on the team!" I'm fifteen but a junior and they only let juniors and seniors on the team.

I tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace. "Yeah, it's great."

We got to the house and Johnny and Dally were there as expected. Still fighting tears, I ran over and hugged Johnny, him being the more affectionate of the two.

"What's wrong honey?" He asked concerned, smoothing my long hair as he tried to coax the answer out of me.

"It's just stupid Blake again." I mumbled, but lucky for me Dally could hear it loud and clear. (Sarcastic of course)

"I'm gonna kill him! Give me an address, a phone number, a last name, anything and I'll kill him!" He was seething. I pulled him into a hug as well. I knew that he would deny it, but I was the only one who ever did that without fear and he liked it. He gave me a quick squeeze back. "I know you don't want me to, but no one hurts you like that and gets away with it!"

"Thanks for caring." I could tell he was about to say something else when Ben's mom shouted at us from the porch.

"Snack's ready! I got cookies and lemonade for everyone!"

I grinned at the two of them. The only remaining guys from the gang who still cared. "Race you there!" Before I was even done I was running up the long driveway to the front door. They chuckled and raced after me.

I knew they were fast but I had the same gene as Ponyboy. I could run faster.

Once we were inside, full to a bursting point of chocolate chip cookies and sweet lemonade, the guys were looking at me. And when they gave me that look, I knew I wasn't going to like the news.

"Izzie, I know you don't want to hear it but Darry has nearly blown a gasket. He's been searching all over the east side of town for you. Can't you at least go talk to him?" Johnny asked me.

I sighed and stubbornly shook my head no. "No, I can't. I can't explain it, but I just can't."

Then Dally joined the argument. "He's your brother and we saw him in the supermarket last week. He seemed to have no clue what was going on."

"But that's the thing. He won't even give me time to explain my side of the story before yelling at me. And then I'll have a problem with him too. I just don't think I can take any more of it."

"You need to! Izzie Anne Curtis you had better!"

"Don't call me that!"

"What? Curtis?"

"Stop it Dally! They have no claim to me anymore after what happened. After what they let happen."

"Then at least go and have him sign the adoption papers! You just need to go over there!"

The two of us were standing up now, face to face. Or actually, face to stomach/ chest area. We both have crazy tempers so it's hard not to run into some conflict. But I gave in. I'd wanted to have it official ever since the Timothy's said they would legally adopt me. I'd forged Darry's signature before, but I wanted to actually have him do it. If he loved me at all he would.

So I gave up.

"Fine, but you're staying here for when it backfires. I'll take my motorcycle and be back before everyone shows up."

I'd gotten a motorcycle as a group gift from everyone in town. I have to say that I know a lot of people. So my BFF Kerry got $10 donations from everyone and got me a pink one.

They nodded in agreement and I shrugged on my leather jacket, an anomaly paired with my red sweater and red and white plaited skirt. I started for the door when I heard Dally say, "I told you my way would work better."

I scoffed and set off to the east side. It seemed like only bad things ever happened here. I finally pulled up in front of the house. It wasn't my house or home anymore. I hoped Darry wouldn't be home from work so then I could say I tried but he just wasn't here and be done with it once and for all.

But I somehow knew that he was or would be soon enough. Oh well, time to face the music.

**Hope you guys all liked it! The next chapter is going to be REALLY intense so prepare yourselves! I hope to have it up by mid week ;) **

Hope you guys all liked it! The next chapter is going to be REALLY intense so prepare yourselves! I hope to have it up by mid week ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING: This chapter includes cursing and mild violence. Readers be warned. **

Chapter 3:

Izzie's P.O.V

I stepped inside the house and was met with the unnerving scent of powerful liquor. I was just about ready to join the prohibition train. Everything bad that ever happened to me seemed to be sponsored by alcohol. Some examples including; my parents being killed, greasers being jumped, my abuse at Cathy's hand, the NY incident (the title I gave it after numerous panic attacks of calling it by its true name), Blake cheating on me, and what was about to happen next.

Think of the devil Cathy was sitting on the couch looking horrible. Her hair was a tangled mess, her eyes heavy with the bags under them and bloodshot like she hadn't slept in a millennium. It was pitiful.

That's when she saw me, got up, and stormed across the room only to slap me across the face.

If I had seen in coming, I definitely would have prevented it now that I actually took part in a useful sport, but I hadn't; seen it coming that is.

"This is all your fault!" She hissed at me. The slap hadn't really hurt, but the match I was in yesterday to try out for the boxing team had taken its toll on me and I was sporting a few injures to begin with.

I was confused thinking maybe she'd finally lost it, she was close enough anyhow. I wasn't even here any more, what could I have possibly done? Maybe she just blames everything on me for sake of habit.

"What's my fault?" I retaliated, pushing her away from me. She'd find out soon enough how much stronger I had gotten in my year abroad.

"Everything! Darry and I were getting along so well and I think he was going to propose. Then he finds out your worthless, cowardly ass has packed up and left and he goes nuclear! Now he says that as soon as he finds you, I have to get my things together and move out!"

"Good!" I retorted. "He was too good for you anyway."

She snarls at me and the next thing I know I'm on the floor. I do believe she hit me with an empty beer bottle. I'm all cut up from the glass and almost too weak to get up off the floor but I manage to do it.

"Where is he?" I ask, not giving up like she wants me to. Anything to postpone the inevitable, huh?

"He's at Bucks drowning his sorrows like I told him to. You're a disgrace you know. You're the reason he never went to college, the reason he works away his youth every day. If your brothers hadn't been here, he would have kicked you to the curb the day after the funeral!"

I didn't believe her. I don't know how Darry feels about anything now, but I didn't think it would ever be that bad. He loves me, or he did at that time. Maybe if I still lived here he'd send me away, which is why I'm here after all. The papers are in my back pocket. One signature and a couple initials and he never has to see me again.

Then the man in question stormed through the front door. He was drunk; I had never seen any of my brothers (blood relationship of course. Two-bit drank like it was his last day on earth and I've seen everyone else from the gang do it at least five times) touch a drop.

"Izzie? You're here?" He asked. His voice was slurred but he was the same brother I remembered. I nodded and started to take a step towards him. He walked right past me to the kitchen mumbling something to Cathy about heading up to the guest room.

She complied, giving me a smug look that seemed to ooze 'I told you so'. I don't know what I expected from him. A hug? A warm smile? A hello? I don't know, but I didn't receive anything.

He walked back in, eating a piece of chocolate cake like we were sitting down to brunch. Obviously Johnny and Dally had lied through their teeth. He wasn't desperate or eager to see me at all. In fact, he seemed even less willing to talk to me than he was before I left, which is as can be suspected I suppose.

"What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?" His voice was filled with a rigidly cold bitterness that seemed like it came straight from my worst nightmares. If I had any doubt about asking him to give me away to the Timothy's, it was gone now.

"I guess that's my answer then. You don't need to do anything; I'm simply passing by for a farewell visit. Sign something for me and I'll be gone from your life forever." I pulled the legal documents out of my back pocket and held them in front of his face.

I doubt it's been mentioned before, but I have a diary. It's nearly 200 pages long, written in book format, and I write in it during my free period every day. I have often fantasized about how this scene will play out in my mind and on these pages. Some scenarios include him signing them and telling me to go live with a family who loved me or perhaps the most far fetched of them all; saying no, telling me to pack my things and move back in because he loves me and so does everyone else.

The one that actually happened never made the pages. It was so unimaginable that it never even made my panic flashes.

He jumped up, throwing the plate with his cake on the floor. "You want to be put up for adoption after everything I've had to sacrifice for you? You ungrateful little brat!" He ripped the papers in half and threw them in my face.

This wasn't my brother talking anymore. This was the Darrel Curtis Jr. that Socs met in rumbles. He was a faceless, dangerous monster that wouldn't hesitate to destroy you. I flinched away from him.

"You had it easy living here! Nothing bad ever happened to you! So why would you act like your stupid self and do something like this!"

"Because your bitch of a girlfriend stole everything meant for me! I got part time jobs to buy food and used clothing! Then I'd come home to be yelled at by you and abused by her!" That was it. I'd finally confessed the secret I hoped he had no idea about. One that his response to would either hold me together or tear me apart. Lucy for me it was the latter. Because you know what he said?

"Stop lying!" The he hit me across the face.

I was falling.

F

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I hit the floor with a thump, but that wasn't the only thing you could hear. If you listened close enough, you could also hear the shatter of my heart breaking into a million pieces, never to be put back together again.

No one in my family had ever hit me before.

If you link it to Ponyboy's experience you'd be wrong. I know it's wrong because I was there. Seconds after Darry had hit my other brother he'd regretted it. He knew it was wrong and he scrambled to apologize. It crushed him when he didn't get to do it that night and then all that murder shit went down.

No, this was nothing like that.

You know how I know?

The swings that followed it. One hit me in the ribs, the other in the back, and he kicked me to finish it off before storming off to his room.

Everything I thought I knew vanished without a trace. I had defended Darry when Cathy had said all those things to me just minutes ago, now they all came back with a vengeance.

_Worthless, _they chanted. _Coward, Disgrace, I'm the reason, It's all my fault, All my fault, All my fault. _

I was bleeding into the carpet and I knew it. I was accustomed to blood after all the matches I'd observed and been in. And I had been shot after all. Actually, come to think of it, I believe the stitches reopened again. I can never keep them closed but this time I had a really good reason to.

I lay there for god knows how long; planning ways I could simply end it right now. Cathy came by at some point and snickered at me. I felt so useless, like a waste of space.

Why couldn't he have just killed me and gotten it over with? Maybe if I didn't move, I'd die and my soul could be given to someone whose family actually loved them. Eventually I reasoned that it would take too long to bleed out and someone would come and try to help me.

It was late. How late I wasn't sure, but it was pitch black outside. The front door was locked so I dragged myself, leaving behind a sickly trail of blood like tire tracks. I took in what I could, knowing this would be the last time I could look around. I'd absorb it while I could.

I entered my bedroom, placing a firm grip on the bed, propelling myself upwards. I left behind a bloody handprint but that was the least of my worries. I ripped off pieces of the curtain and wrapped them around the open injuries I could find.

Then I hopped out of the window, living in the horrible pain I was met with when I landed. I hopped on my motorcycle, gritting my teeth and heading to the park where Pony and Johnny had been jumped that night. The perfect place to plan your own death would be a place that was well avoided for being known for it.

Hell, maybe if I was lucky some drunken Socs would come and kill me themselves so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Would they have to be drunk? Yes, because everything bad in my life has to do with drinking.

I'm ashamed I got to drinking in the first place. Was this really the same day that I'd been so happy? For something so simple as a good grade, a role in a play, and a band rehearsal. None of them really mattered, and I really mattered to no one.

I knew one thing for certain though, in 24 hours time I'd be dead and I wouldn't have to worry about this anymore.

Darry P.O.V

I was dreaming.

_Izzie was right in front of me and I moved to go out and hug her but instead I hit her. I kept hitting her and hitting her and then I just left her there to die. _

_What have I done? _

_What have I done? _

I woke with a start. Cold sweat was pouring down my forehead and I had one hell of a hangover. If only I was the same me I had been before my parents died. One that would never touch a drop and made sure nothing bad happened to my family.

I got out of bed surely but slowly. I got dressed for another hard day at work and went down the hallway to find Cathy up and for some unfathomable reason happy. She was grinning like someone was paying her to do it.

I'm sure I'll never smile again until Izzie is safe at home and my brothers are here with us. Is that why she's smiling? Had she found my baby sister?

"I'm so proud of you, Darry!" She exclaimed.

I was shocked, what had I done in the past years that could make anyone proud of me? "What for?" I asked aloud.

"Well for finally taking my example and beating the crap out of that worthless sister of yours of course."

The world seemed to stop. What? "No, no you have it wrong. She's still missing."

"Well she was until she came here yesterday. Then you stumbled in drunker than I've ever seen you and you hit her like, five times for lying. And the funniest part is it was for lying when she wasn't lying. Classic,"

Suddenly it all came back to me. My nightmare wasn't a nightmare, only a nightmarish reality that I'd put into play. I didn't want to believe it.

"You get out of my house before the hour is up or I'll kill you myself." I threatened and ran like a mad man, hoping that it wasn't true.

I ran down the stairs only to find blood all over the place, her blood. There was a pool of it on the floor by the couch, then it led to her room; crimson handprints all over the place, and finally out the window and into the grass.

Now I've finally done something I can never take back. I promise myself that I would never hurt any of my siblings again after I hit Ponyboy because I knew that one day I would make a mistake that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Oh god no.

I have to call everyone and have them find her, I have to talk to her and make it up to her. Even if she never wants to see me again I have to tell her how much I didn't mean to do that. I need her to know that I love her and that I'm sorry.

Then the phone rang. It's shrill sound pierced my ears one time, two times before I picked it up and listened to the hyperventilating noise on the other end.

"Is this Darrel Curtis Jr.?" It asked, it was a girl's voice and I automatically knew that something awful had happened.

"Yes, who are you? Has something happened?"

"Listen, my name is Kerry and I'm Izzie's best friend. She came into school banged up again but it's nothing unusual, usually it's that bitch Cathy who does it, but now I know that's not the case. I don't know exactly what kind of shit went down last night but it has finally pushed Iz over the end."

"What do you mean? Where are you? What's happening?"

"I'm a few blocks from your house at that abandoned factory, the real tall one. You better get over here quick, your sister's ready to take the final plunge."

I was out the door before she finished the sentence, leaving the phone disconnected on the floor. And the only thing I kept repeating in my head over and over again was 'It's my fault, it's all my fault'.

**Whew, I told you guys it would be intense! Now hopefully you picked up on the fact that Darry is not the bad guy in this story. He just has some issues too. **

**Other P.O.V.s are gonna come into play pretty soon and I hope everyone's liking how this is going so far. Of course, I'd know for sure if some of you reviewed. SO PLEASE REVIEW! **

**Thanks to everyone who has favorited and followed this story! **

**Stay gold! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Alright thanks to everyone (Softball-Forever, kingdinkelmen, Goosey0572smt, Crazy Sheet Music, HyperHoshi, Kassie Curtis, Tavvy2o, truebird3, theoutsidersfan98, chained2love, and Guest) for favoriting, following, or reviewing; you have no idea how much this means to me! **

**I've taken what I could from your suggestions and tried to make it as explanatory as possible. Hope you like this.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains suicidal content. Don't like? Don't read.**

**Please R&R! The more you review, the faster I'll update ;) **

Izzie's P.O.V

All little kids have come to wonder at some time in their lives what it's like to fly with the birds and the planes. Many find the answer in their dreams; just a taste of the reckless abandon and pleasure that comes with it, but enough to satisfy them.

If I was going to go on my own terms, it would be this way.

My feet were just inches from the edge of the building and I waited for the sun to rise, set on the edge of oblivion. I was waiting for the sun to rise completely from behind the horizon.

I'd never looked at a sunrise or sunset until I read Pony's book. But then, I'd never really been like him. Pony was too idealistic and optimistic to be compared to me. Sodapop was too happy-go-lucky and able to overlook issues after someone had apologized, where I'm more than likely to hold one hell of a grudge. And Darry was just not me, not by a long shot, no matter what people might say.

I remember the time I first heard Robert Frost's poem that my brother loves so much. _Nature's first green is gold..._and all that jazz.

Pony's explanation at my outrage of not being in his book was that he had wanted me to stay gold. I'd been asleep when Darry had hit him, causing him to run off, the only thing I'd done when we saw him in the hospital was hug him, and I wasn't let to be in the rumble. He claimed he wanted to protect me from any uproar the story might bring. After all, Bob's murder really did happen and the socs never got their revenge.

And I suppose messing up my family didn't suffice. Of course it didn't.

"Izzie, please! You can't do this!" Ben yelled, his eyes welling with tears. Yes I could. This was all my fault after all. And they'd be better off without me being a nuisance.

Ben and Kerry had been protesting this since they saw me standing here, waiting for me to make my move. But the third voice that suddenly spoke caught me off guard.

"Izzie?" Not moving any farther from the edge than I was, I whipped my head around to see the one person I never expected to see in a million years. If the man from the supermarket who wraps my cold cuts showed up I wouldn't have been as surprised.

But no, it was Darrel Shane Curtis Jr.

I was also surprised to find that he looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot and cushioned with bags a mile long. This was not the firm, respectable Darry that I remembered. I thought he would have gotten the best sleep of his life after finally admitting his feelings about me.

"Iz, I'm sorry. So, so sorry. It was the alcohol and I wasn't thinking straight-"

"No." I cut him off, finally fed up with the same excuse from everyone. "You should be proud you finally got it off your chest, but alcohol should not be a factor." He tried to take a step towards me and I began to take a step back, causing him to restrain himself.

"I know. It shouldn't be a factor, but you have to understand..."

"I don't have to! I don't! I'm so sick of it. It's the catalyst of my downfall!"

"Isn't that a little melodramatic?"

"No it's not. It caused my parents to die, all my school suspensions, the New York incident, Cathy abusing me, being jumped and shot, my boyfriend cheating on me, and then you."

He suddenly looked small and I almost believed his little charade. "I didn't know all that happened to you." He whispered.

I snorted. "It's not like you would. My life has gone to hell and no one even knows or cares about it." Ben and Kerry looked like they wanted to interject something but didn't, reasoning this was a Curtis conversation.

"You don't have to jump off a building because of it, Izzie. Just come down and we can talk it out. The gang can come stay with us and we'll go back to the way we were before."

It sounded too good to be true, and that's because it was. "It can never go back to the way it was before, I've seen and done too much for that to be possible."

"Why?"

That was the question, wasn't it? "I just want to be done. I don't want anything to get better or worse because the journey there will hurt. I can't spend my whole life wondering if I'm more of a burden to everyone around me than I'm worth when I already know the answer is I am. If I do this, everyone can be happy."

"I would never be happy again Izzie." Darry said softly, but loudly enough for me to hear. I looked at him and saw tears running down his face. He made no move to wipe them away. "I can't lose another member of my family. I can't lose another person I love."

That threw me off.

He's lying. He must be. Because if he's not, then nothing I believe as of right now is true. And suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop it!" I shouted at him, me, the world. "Please just stop."

Suddenly I collapse to the floor in a heap, sobbing my eyes out and hating myself for being so weak. I couldn't even get killing myself right.

Strong arms wrapped around my small frame and I wonder blindly if I'm imagining all of this, if Darry being here is just a mirage and I'm already dead. But he whispers soothing sounds into my ear though I can tell he's still crying as well.

20 minutes later I've reduced my sobs to hiccups and an occasional whimper. Darry looks at me and says, "I'm going to call an ambulance. You'll be alright, baby." He gets up and walks to the end of the roof and pulls out one of those new mobile phones to place a call.

I know that even if Darry is telling the truth about loving me, I know that he would eventually find happiness again. I'd just be a painful reminder of my parents, I always did look exactly like my mother. I don't want to come between him and Cathy, I don't want to pull my brothers out of the wonderful lives they've established for themselves.

So I open my jacket pocket and pull out my fail safe. It's a black handled switchblade that I bought after NY because I was paranoid that it could happen again. Darry's still on the phone, explaining to them where we are and I whisper, "I love you."

Then I dig the blade into my stomach, sputtering at the pain it caused.

"IZZIE! NO!" Ben's voice? I can't tell anymore.

This is it. It's finally happened. Figures crouch around me and I open my eyes one last time to see Darry. "I'm sorry," I force out before closing my eyes.

**Darry P.O.V:**

She closes her eyes. "No Izzie! Stay with me dammit! Open your eyes!"

How could I have been so stupid? I leave my baby; the suicidal teenager by herself right after I stop her from jumping off a building. The ambulance is on its way, I can hear the sirens blaring from a couple blocks away, but they might already be too late.

There's four inches of a knife inside my little sister. There's blood, so much blood and I vaguely wonder if this is how Johnny and Ponyboy felt when they saw Bob dead in the park. Blood everywhere and knowing that this is all somehow your fault.

"Please, please, please, please..." I pray silently. I know I'm selfish for wanting her to stay in this world of pain and disappointment but she needs to, even if just to prove to her that I love her. I love her so SO much.

I cradle her pale form close to my body, shamelessly letting the tears run down my face in floods. It seems like I'm watching through somebody else's eyes as the paramedics come barreling through the roof's door and take her from me.

She's hooked up to different machines and I know they're yelling commands at each other but I only follow them soundlessly until we're at the hospital and they rush her to the ICU for emergency surgery.

I sign some things and cry some more and never let my mind linger on anything for too long until Johnny and Dally come running in.

I'm so numb that I don't do anything when Dallas locks eyes with me and punches me in the jaw. I know I deserve it. I deserve so much worse.

"You b%$* #^! What the f% # is wrong with you!" His screams are so bloodthirsty and thundering that some of the patients in the waiting room scoot out of his range of vision.

Johnny, looking no less deadly, steps in front of his adopted brother/ father figure and comes to stand right in front of me. It's surprising to see that he's only an inch below me, but now I feel about that one inch tall.

"Do you understand what you did?" I know I hit her and drove her to try and (Oh god please no) succeed to kill herself, but I don't think that's what he meant so I shook my head no.

"Dally and I have spent the past 11 months trying to convince her that she had been wrong about you. Because we thought that we were positive you loved her more than anyone. She was saying many of the same things that Pony did when he was 14 and thought that you hated him. We thought it was the same circumstances; you just wanted her to get somewhere with her life, get out of this town and find somewhere better.

"As the weeks went on and you never so much as noticed she wasn't there, we began losing hope. Slowly but surely. We never let Izzie know that though.

"Then you did notice and all that hope came rushing back. And she finally agreed to talk to you, so we gave y'all some room, waiting to hear from her that you had made up and she was moving back in and everything was swell again. But the call never came. So you can imagine how great it must have felt to hear from her friends that you'd hit her up like my pa had done to me and now she's in the hospital for self harm.

"Now she's never going to trust us again, she's never going to believe you love her, and I don't even know if she's gonna survive the night." After the longest speech I had ever heard from Johnny in my life, maybe the longest one he had ever given, I noticed the tears welling up in his eyes.

But I still couldn't find my words.

I felt awful knowing there was nothing more I could do for my baby until we heard if she survived the surgery or not. But there was one thing I could do for all of us. I needed to call the rest of the gang.

Sodapop. I'd have to call him first. He was the parent I could never imagine being. He was the caring, compassionate one who always knew what to do. He's also Izzie's secondary guardian. It's one of the reasons he was never drafted to fight in the war.

Now him and Steve own a chain of gas stations and can live and work anywhere they please. If I was lucky, I'd hit two birds with one stone and not have to explain the situation more than was necessary.

I took out my new cell phone, fingers dashing across the numbers I'd wanted to dial so many times and listened as it rang; once, twice, three times.

I wanted someone to pick up, but then again, I wasn't exactly looking forwards to explaining all of my mistakes. But then my call was answered and I knew there was no going back.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Sodapop. It's Darry."

**Whew! Yeah, so, the next chapter is going to have everyone else in the gang and I'll try to get their P. in, any suggestions on how everyone should react? **

**Hope you liked it! ****No flames please!**

**Stay gold! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much to the one person who reviewed! Sorry I almost made you cry Naruko Namikaze, but SO happy you love the story! And I know some of you are protesting the cliffie, so to make up for it, here's Soda's P.O.V.! **

**Sodapop POV**

"Hey Steve, get the phone, will ya?" I called to him from under a car. I was covered in oil and sweat from a long days work. Sure, we owned the business; it didn't mean we didn't want to get out there once in a while. There was a reason we decided to get into cars; it was because we loved them.

"No way, Soda! Mr. Roberts is coming by to pick up his car any second and I'm gonna be there to see that beauty off!" I could sense his smirk as the phone rang for the third time.

I rushed over and answered. "Hello?"

"Hey Sodapop; it's Darry."

I was shocked into silence. Darry? I hadn't spoken to him in years. What could be so important to finally knock some sense into him? "Darry?" I instinctively decided to play it cool, hoping maybe his sudden rule of us not visiting Tulsa would be uplifted. "How's it going?"

There was a silence on the other end of the line, but I strained and could hear the sound of soft gasping. Was that the oh so familiar sound of crying on the other end? All the shit that happened to my family made my ears highly trained to the sound. I waited patiently for his answer to be met with a; "Not too good, Soda."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Izzie…"

I remembered the bouncing, always smiling, angel of a little sister who loved playing on the swings at the park by our house and always stole my DX hat to wear around because she thought it made her look like me. Darry had said she was going through a phase and that was why we couldn't see her, but it was a damn long phase. "What about her? Can we visit?"

Another long pause and I wondered what the problem was. "I think that would be for the best."

A huge grin lit up my face. "That's great! Where should I come find you guys? I heard through the grapevine that you moved and-"

"The hospital."

"What?"

"We're in the hospital."

My heart stopped and my tongue felt like cotton in my mouth. That hospital held the worst memories of my life, the biggest one being the identifying of my parents' bodies. Why would they be there? Noticing a slight quiver to my voice, I asked; "What happened, Dar? Is something wrong?"

"It's Izzie, Soda. I've made the worst mistake of my life."

I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest and I wondered vaguely if my older brother could hear it too. _Please, _I begged to whatever god was listening, _let her be alright. _I had broken so many of the promises I made her, I needed the chance to say I love you enough times for it to get old.

"What happened?" My voice was minimally more than a whisper.

"She tried to kill herself, Sodapop, and it's all my fault." _So this is what it feels like to die, _I thought. My throat was closing up, my chest tightening in intense pain. "I-I can't do this. Soda, get Pony, Steve, and Two-Bit and m-meet us here as s-soon as you c-can."

I started hyperventilating. He hung up on me? He hung up on me. He told me my baby might die at her own hand and he GODDAMN HUNG UP ON ME! I slam the phone into the receiver before it hits me, and then I'm collapsed on the floor crying my eyes out.

I hear Mr. Roberts' car drive off and Steve casually walking over to the office where I'm having my meltdown.

"Hey Soda! I love that man! Boy do I wish he had at least ten more cars because with the huge tip he-" That's when he came into view and saw me in tears. "Whoa man, is it a girl?"

Well Izzie was a girl, though not in the sense he was thinking. But I didn't feel like talking, so I nodded.

"Sandy didn't contact you did she?" Since when was that even a possibility? I shook my head no, I realized I was done with her years ago, but I still haven't found the right girl. "Dude, we don't know many more girls by name. Uh, is it Cathy?" Now why would Two-Bit's ex-girlfriend call me? I shook my head no. "A client?" I shook my head no. Come on, Stevie... "Izzie?" I nodded and then burst into another fit of tears at her name.

I could just picture her; the small girl I'd left behind lying on that white hospital bed, the hue of her skin even whiter, plugged into tubes and beeping machines. Not her, anyone but her.

"SODA!" I finally snapped out of it to see my best buddy in the whole world shaking me by the shoulders. "I called you, like, seven times already. And I thought Ponyboy's head in the clouds wasn't a family thing. So what were you going to say about Izzie?"

He missed her as much as I did and you could tell by the excitement in his voice. But I couldn't take it anymore, so I threw my arms around him in a great big bear hug. And being the friend that he is, he hugged me right back without any hesitation or prompting.

"Sh-sh-she t-tried to k-kill herself." I mumbled into his shoulder which instantly became tense and strained.

"What?" He asked tersely. (Wow, those night school courses really payed off, huh?)

"Y-you h-h-heard me."

"Why would Izzie do that? I thought we weren't allowed to visit her because she was happy without us there."

"I don't know." replied, gaining control of myself a little. "We have to get all of the guys together and get down to the hospital."

He strengthened his resolve and stood, pulling me up with him. "I'm going to drag Two-Bit away from his liquor and you are going to call Mr. High and Mighty professor, pack up, and we're on the road in three hours tops."

Steve was the best buddy a guy could ask for, really, he was. He always knew just what I needed to pull myself together.

My baby sister needed me to be there for her. I'd be whatever kind of brother would make her get rid of these suicidal thoughts; whether that's happy-go-lucky and smiling or firm and loving, I'd do it... for her.

**Ponyboy POV **

Sigh, I remember when I was a high school student. English had been my favorite class and I was always pushed to get good grades.

Here I am on the opposite playing field, grading essays on real life experiences and all I'm getting are painfully long and dull recollections of their first trips to the zoo. Ironic, isn't it? Not like I was expecting anything like The Outsiders to come from it, but couldn't one student put their heart into it?

I really hate this job. Not for the first time, I'm considering quitting, but the only other job opportunities I've gotten have been in Tulsa and that place's like the Twilight Zone. Oh well, hopefully something better will come along.

Suddenly the phone rings and I leap to get it. Anything to distract me from this god awful assignment. "Hello, Dr. Curtis speaking."

I hear a light chuckle from the end of the line. "So it's doctor now is it?" I immediately recognize my brother, though not as happy as usual.

"Soda!" His laughter comes again. "Are you calling to talk about more girls? Because I would gladly even listen to that right now."

"No, little buddy. It's Izzie."

That struck a chord. I knew some of what Izzie had been feeling when we were still updated on her well being and sympathized with her. Then Darry decided for all of us that it would be in everyone's best interest if we were separated. Please tell me we get to go home now.

But the way Sodapop said it sounded so helpless and forlorn I couldn't help but feel a twinge of worry, I tried to play it off. "Has she finally come to her senses and begged for us to visit like the tuff brothers we are?"

"We do need to go visit her, but for a reason I'd rather not."

"Oh god," I face-palmed. "Did she get into alcohol, drugs, or sex? Because I get into enough of that here at work." But if it meant we finally got to be a part of Izzie's upbringing, I'd give her the alcohol and bring her to a party. (Well that might be a HUGE exaggeration, but still I'm trying here).

"Darry didn't tell me. But she put herself in the hospital and might not pull through." Any joking matter I had was gone. The hospital brought back all those bad memories as I'm sure they did for the whole gang; everyone had their own stories. "We're getting all of our things together. I already made arrangements for this garage and booked reservations at a hotel until we can find a house or something."

This was it. We were heading back to Tulsa, Oklahoma, and it was only because my sister was dying.

I made a polite goodbye, told Soda to pick me up in an hour, threw all of the essays into the garbage, filled out my resignation and headed home. Knowing I wasn't going to stay in this city permanently, part of my teaching policy was that I got to leave without any advanced notice. I stayed longer than I would have liked, but that doesn't matter anymore.

My current house was a rented room in an apartment with a nice couple. Most of my things were trivial anyway. I paid the kind man and woman my last months rent before taking a few suitcases and stuffing whatever I needed in them.

Most of my clothes went. Casual and business for any potential job interviews. Then went my sheets, a small lamp, toiletries, my writing, books, my art supplies, and photo albums. And just like that, all that remained of Ponyboy Curtis in this room was ungraded papers, some empty Pepsi cans, and an empty mattress.

I wonder what Izzie had been doing these past few years. What happened? And whay was she driven to do this for herself? I don't know, but answers will come soon enough whether I like them or not.

The Curtis family was about to be re-united, but it wasn't going to be as happy an occasion as we thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**You guys are all SUPER SWEET! This is my most popular fan fic so I'm hoping that I'll update less sporadically or at least give you guys heads up (as long as you still like the story) **

**My goal is once a week; lets set the estimation at the next one for Wednesday! **

**Please review! They mean so much to me and inspire me to pick up the pace a little ;) **

**IMPORTANT: This chapter and the last one are mostly filler chapters, but I had to get the rest of the gang back into the story somehow! So bare with me and I promise the next one will be FANTABULOUS! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Steve POV

I thrum my restless fingers against the steering wheel, more or less along with the beat. I'm not actually paying attention though, my thoughts are elsewhere.

The Curtis' were my dream family. Mr. and Mrs. Curtis always took me in when my bastard of a father kicked me out again. Soda was my best friend, Darry was a good guy to be around, and I even enjoyed Pony's company, though we definitely had our disagreements. But Izzie, Izzie was like the little sister I never had.

When she was five, I unknowingly taught her how to ride a bike, she was the only girl that was constant in my life. I used to have Evie, but we had too many differences. Soda and I taught her about cars, after her parents died, she'd sit next to us during the day when we were working and she had nowhere else to be.

The pain of not really knowing what happened to her back home surely had to be almost as painful for me as it was for Soda.

The horrible sound of the beetles knocked me out of my thinking pretty quick. God, how many singles can these guys make? And with that new band Jackson 5, don't even get me started. I flipped through the channels until finding Elvis. Now he deserved to be listened to.

Two-Bit lived in a small flat an hour away or so. Soda and I had been pretty successful after buying our own garage and expanding it into a chain. We lent him some money to rent the place at least until he got back onto his feet... but that was months ago.

See, him and his long time girlfriend Cathy had been happy as clams together. Then he tried to take the next step. He bought a nice ring, took her on a romantic picnic, and the next day the announcement was made. Then, on the day of her wedding shower, Cathy said she wasn't ready and went to live with her parents; never even gave Two-Bit and explanation.

He went looking for her to find her already in another relationship. He was the wise-cracker of the bunch, that didn't mean he couldn't feel the pain that should come from such an offense. Now it was a rare occurrence to see him not drunk, but usually on strong liquor, not the beer he used to. He'd have to change that attitude around real quick if he wanted to be part of Izzie's life again. Maybe it was a reason to get off his ass and do something.

I pulled into his driveway to see all of the lights in the house off. He was either out partying and getting drunk again or sleeping off the hangover from the last time he had been. Deciding I could waste some time, and needing to get this over with, I took out my phone and dialed the number of the best worker the garage here in town had.

"Hello?" A groggy voice answered.

"Hey, Mike, it's Steve."

"Oh Sir! I wasn't expecting you to call is something wrong? Do you need help?"

"No, but I want you to know that both Soda and I aren't going to be around the city any longer. You're being promoted to the business owner, is that position accepted?"

There was a stunned silence on the other line before; "Are you SERIOUS? THIS IS FANTASTIC! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I-"

"Slow down a little, Mike. Don't want you to die before your first day with your new job." I recognized his intense excitement and remembered how young he actually was. He had a wife and a newborn and this could be what they were looking for. It's a shame none of us realized we could have found ours by staying in Tulsa and none of this would have ever happened.

"I promise you won't be disappointed, sir!"

"Good, I'll be in touch. Now don't celebrate too much."

"Thank you, sir, I won't, sir, have a nice day, sir!" I hung up before he could find more reason to thank me.

I'd never really gotten used to being referred to as sir. Growing up a nameless, mostly worthless greaser to most of society can do that to a person. Mike was always a good guy, he'll run the garage well. Plus, he can almost lift a hubcap quicker than me, almost.

I wish we could have been there for Izzie. I can't even imagine what she's gone through in that town. Being her surrogate brother, I would have gladly talked to her about her problems and beat up the bastards who upset her. I suppose it's a childish hope. My father was never there for me, so I wanted to be thee opposite of him to someone who looked up to me. Ever since Evie, I'd never made it past first date with a girl, so I doubt I'll ever be a father myself.

Sighing, I walked up the driveway and pushed through Two-Bit's slightly ajar door; none of us ever did pick up on locking them in case someone needed us.

The smell of alcohol was so overwhelming I had to take a moment to compose myself. Two-Bit was passed out, half of his body on the couch while the other half dangled lifelessly to the floor.

It would be hard to wake him up but he needed to do it for Izzie, I knew he cared about her too. "Two-Bit wake up." No response. I shook him as I repeated my words. "Two-Bit wake up!" No response. "Wake up!" This time I was throwing his body around like a rag doll, but he only fell to the floor with a resounding thud. "KEITH MATTHEWS WAKE UP!"

His body jerked and he moaned. "Go away," before covering his face with his arm and rolling over.

I breathed in deeply before turning on all the lights in the room which caused a twitch and no more. I walked into his kitchen of bare essentials. I found a bucket that was set to catch a ceiling leak and never emptied, filled it with ice and water, and stormed back into the room.

"This is your last chance Two-Bit." I told him, knowing he was unaware of my weapon.

"Just leave me here to die." He mumbled so I almost couldn't catch it.

"Fine, but let it be known that I gave you fair warning." And with that I poured the entire contents of the bucket onto him. He shrieked in a very unmanly way as his body, hair, clothes, and the area around him was soaked with freezing water.

I laughed at his crazed expression; eyes wide, breathing randomly, fingers shaking from the surprise and the cold. "What. The. F$ #ing. Hell. Steve." He shot at me angrily. His laughing gray eyes unused and had turned stormy.

"Hey man, I warned ya." I claimed and leaned back against the wall cockily.

"I'm going to change." He announced and left the room.

Now the hard part. Telling him the news and convincing him to leave all everything behind afterwards.

**Two-Bit's POV**

Damn Steve. Damn alcohol. Damn self. Damn Cathy. Damn frigging' ice water.

I peeled the freezing, wet clothing from my shivering form and exchanged it for warm clothing, not bothering to make sure they fit together. What was the point? No one cared how I was doing, much less what I was wearing.

Why was old Stevie here in the first place? Not that I was against it, but a little warning would have been nice. I've known him too long to be embarrassed by him finding me passed out, but it's still not the best place to be in.

Huffing angrily, I marched out into my living room, avoiding the wet spot, and sat on the couch with my arms crossed. I leveled Steve with a glare.

"Now that you barge in here and interrupt my beauty sleep... what can I do ya for?" I asked, not letting myself to grin at him just yet.

He visibly paled, looking sickly almost. "I'm here ta pick ya up, we're headed back ta Tulsa tonight, and we need to do it soon."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down a minute. Tulsa, Oklahoma? Our old hometown? The festering ground of Socs and hoods? The place Darry told us to stay the hell away from? Do you have a death wish?"

"It was actually Darry who told us to come as soon as possible." Okay... that doesn't help my confusion at all, now does it?

"And why is that?"

"Izzie's in a pretty bad state."

Iz. Izzie Ann Curtis. My adopted sister I was roped into babysitting on many occasions and ended up enjoying more than combing my hair with grease and attending Buck's parties. I could always make her laugh even when I'll admit the jokes were a long shot and who took a special place in my heart.

I'm ashamed to admit I haven't thought about her once since my breakup with Cathy. That woman hurt me. A lot. I thought that we'd be together forever. I thought that she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with and she leaves me because she's selfish. I don't know if that wound will ever fully be healed and I'm a coward so I pretend that drinking away my problems will solve them. Sometimes they do, if only for a short while.

"What's wrong? Was she jumped? Are the bastards in jail yet?" I growled.

Steve looked more saddened and I knew this wasn't the case at all.

"Something happened down there and nobody will tell me what the hell it is yet. Izzie tried to kill herself. We don't know how or why but she's in the hospital and we already made plans to stay down there long term. So you coming?"

I was shocked into silence for a long while. That was a lot of info to take in one breath. I wish I'd been there for her. After losing the Curtis parents, and my mom, and almost losing Ponyboy, Johnny, and Dallas, another death in our lives would be impossible. We'd surely fall even farther than we already have.

How could she act upon her suicidal thoughts? And why? I'm sure every person over the age of thirteen has thought about killing themselves at least once. After the wedding shower, the day Cathy moved out, I was at my lowest. I stared at a bottle of prescription pills wondering if I should take them or not. The gang had become distant, I knew they probably wouldn't find me until it was too late.

But I toughened up a little so I wasn't a bawling suicidal mess anymore and pushed through. Maybe if I had been there for her, if any of us had been, even if Darry hated us for it (though obviously he was wrong), I could've helped. Maybe I still can help her. It's the least I can do to try.

Without giving Steve a yes or no answer, I pulled out a huge duffel bag from the closet and headed to my room. Still a little dizzy from the aftereffects of last night, I tried extra hard to make sure I didn't forget anything. Mickey Mouse memorabilia? Check. Switchblade? Check. Hair grease? Check. Clothing? Check. I went to the kitchen and put two six-packs of beer in there.

Steve was there immediately, giving me a disapproving look. This was my chance to turn my life around for the better, didn't mean I was going sober.

"Trust me, that hospital waiting rooms gonna get mighty tense. It's gonna be appreciated."

He rolled his eyes but didn't stop me.

Then I looked at my finger. My wedding band was still there. It had been two years and I couldn't bring myself to let it go.

Slowly but surely, I slid it off my finger and left it on the kitchen table.

If I was going to make a new start, this would be the beginning of it.

**Izzie POV**

Pain. White, agonizing flashes of burning pain. Pinching, prodding, pulling, pulverizing my very core. Muffled voices, distant sounds, then more pain.

"Have we gotten guardian approval yet?" I'm too dazed to make sense of the slurred sounding voice. My eyes are clenched so tightly shut that I'm sure my eyelids might rip apart in a moment.

Knowing I can't do much else now, I resort to small whimpers and moans to signal my discomfort. There are wet tracks down my cheeks and I think it might be tears.

"Quick! Move her to emergency surgery! We don't have much time left!"

We're moving, but I start to draw away from my body. The pain is pushed to the back of my mind, now a dull throb. Is this what death feels like? I don't know whether to be happy or sad and remorseful.

Mama? Papa? I'll see you soon.

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**Well there we go, the one good thing to come out of being home sick. **

**Hope you liked it. **

**Opinions? Questions? Review and make my day!**

**Stay Gold!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you so much for all the positive feedback! Guest; because I couldn't tell you otherwise, I'm so glad you liked the story and I hoped you come back for this chapter and see this note! And thanks to everyone else who took the time to review, I never would have updated this soon without you!**

**Hope you all had a Happy Mothers Day! **

**WARNING: Language; because you all know how Dallas is ;) And another cliffhanger... sorry **

**On that note, enjoy!**

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**Dallas P.O.V**

6 hours, 27 minutes, 9 seconds.

6 hours, 27 minutes, 13 seconds.

6 hours, 27 minutes, 35 seconds.

God dammit.

I looked over at Johnny who was hunched over in the uncomfortable hospital waiting room chairs. Why shouldn't they make this experience even worse for all of us? His head was in his hands and his breathing was weak and unsteady. I knew exactly what he was feeling.

"How are you not checking the clock every two seconds, Johnnycake?" I asked him, wondering if there was some supreme rule to it that would help me not to want to find father time himself and threaten to kill the bastard if he didn't jump by hours.

"If you don't look at the clock, it goes faster." He mumbled, still not looking up.

Alright, might as well give it a try... I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. In, out. In, out. In, out.

There, some time must have passed.

6 hours, 28 minutes, 59 seconds. For crying out loud!

I groaned and looked at Johnny again. He wasn't the same frightened boy he had been before the Windrixville incident when we still lived here. Living in Chicago had been good for him, I should know, being the only one save... her, to witness it firsthand.

His parents never cared about him, and though he could deny it, he still wondered if maybe the distance had made them care about him. The gang had always been there to give him comfort and the love his blood family should have been giving him, but suddenly they were gone. He became so much more dependent on the ones he had left. He's my younger brother and Iz is my younger sister, no doubt about it, I've come to terms with the responsibility.

The kid's book; Outsiders something was pretty spot on. Back then, if Johnny had died of his spinal cord injury, I probably would've been killed or locked up for a long time. Now I'd be distraught but I'd still have one person who needed me and depended on me. I know how Darry feels now, or he used to, and that's what gets on my nerves.

Sure, it's tough, but I'd kill every Soc in the world, grudge or not, for them. I'd be thrown in the cooler, I'd give up smoking and beer for them. Never, would I let anything like what happened to the gang happen to them again.

So how is it that Darry became a selfish dickhead when he had everything going for him? I physically growled at the thought of our once superman nicknamed leader. He's the reason we're in here, the reason the rest of the gang had to drive for three hours to wait with us. Then maybe at least I wouldn't be left to my thoughts like this. I hate silence and I've never been one for thinking. That's Pony's deal.

I looked to Johnny. The poor kid had fallen asleep. I'd let him until we heard some news about Izzie, he needed it. Ya think either of us had gotten any last night? Not likely when our surrogate sister was missing so late. I took off my jacket and draped it over his shoulders before turning to find Darry looking at us forlornly, no doubt thinking about the missing relationships with his siblings.

He made eye contact with me, looking the opposite of the perfect boy he'd been when he graduated high school and thought he'd be going to collage a few short years from now. "Why aren't the doctors telling us anything? I can't stand not knowing." He almost whispered.

I choked out a bitter laugh, one that sounded even less laugh like than mine usually are. "How the hell do you think we feel? You know, the ones that she knows love her in case she f #%ing dies." That was a little harsh.

Darry made a choking sound that made me think his heart was currently ripping in half. Or maybe I've just been around Iz too much. That kid hangs around some interesting folks. His yes teared up and I could tell he must regret what happened, all of it. Fan-freakin-tastic. It's about time.

I look at the clock again. 7 hours, 3 minutes, 10 seconds.

That's when an anxious, rambunctious group of adults we haven't seen in years bursts through the door of the room, waking Johnny up much to my disapproval, and things start to go downhill.

**Soda P.O.V. **

The drive from Oklahoma City to Tulsa takes about three hours if you don't stop. We however, made a few stops for gas, food, and to meet up with Two-Bit and Steve before heading off again.

I drove most of the way because Pony was tired from today, not that I wasn't, but it helped calm my nerves. We hardly talked at all, both too nervous and concerned not to mention confused. Pony took the time to watch the sunset as it went down over the far horizon and I tapped my fingers restlessly against the steering wheel.

When we reached the city limits, the tension in the air was uncomfortable and the familiarity of the landscape that I'd driven so many times did nothing to calm me. Instead, I started shaking my knee up and down so I wouldn't have to focus on anything but it and the road.

Then we pulled into the hospital parking lot and I had a flashback.

_The hospital had said that they were fairly sure these were our parents. It had been their car that was totaled, their possessions found, their drivers licenses resting in their wallets, but it was regulation to have them identified before adding it to the system. _

_"You don't have to come in here, Pepsi-cola." Darry told me again. Ever since we heard the news two days ago, he'd called me that as a sense of comfort, what little he could provide in this situation. _

_I nodded my head. I knew that he didn't want me to have to go through this. I also knew that despite that, I'd have to do it anyway. I grabbed his big hand in mine, a gesture I haven't done since we were kids, and looked into his eyes. One pained expression met another and I said, "I know that Dar, but it needs to happen." _

_We walked, hand in hand, into the building, neither one of us wanting to be the one to break the contact. The nurse at the front desk looked up expectantly as we entered the door. As Darry explained our situation my mind wandered back to Pony who didn't want to face the fact that his parents had died and Izzie who was too young to understand that they weren't coming back._

_After a relatively short elevator ride, we came to the room most people aren't permitted to enter. I knew the hard facts about what happened; they'd been going out to dinner for their wedding anniversary. They drove across the tracks and no one is entirely sure, it might've been a machinery malfunction, but a train barreled into their car and they were killed on impact. _

_But nothing could have prepared me for the sight I was met with. _

_It was my parents, I was sure of it. But it was obvious that they were no longer among the living. Their ghostly pale bodies were covered with small towels, many limbs had had to have been sewn back onto their torsos, leaving ugly black stitching in their wakes. Their eyes were open and lifeless, nothing about them resembling the people they were when they were alive. _

_In that moment I wished I hadn't come. I didn't think I would ever be able to think of them again without seeing these images in my mind. _

_I collapsed to the floor in a crumpled heap, nearly dragging Darry down with me. He breathed out a strangled breath and informed the nurse that it was them in a breathy, not all there, tone before joining me on the floor. _

_"Shh, shh, I know, baby, I know." He whispered reassurances in my ear as tears ran helplessly down my face and the nurse left to give us some privacy together, with the bodies of our dead parents. _

Now I could talk about my parents and the fun times we shared, I retold those moments to Pony and any member of the gang who was in danger of forgetting or just needed some help. But my brain was watching a two-part screen. One side was the happy smiling faces from when that story originally occurred, and the other side was that awful scene from this very hospital.

Not everything that happened here was bad. All of us, everyone in the gang, had been born at this hospital. We'd gotten our Pony back after that week in Windrixville. Johnny got the surgery that saved his life after that fire. But that memory cancelled all of those out with an overwhelming sense of dread, sadness, and despair. Please don't let this add to those feelings, I begged silently.

We met the other two guys in our travelling party before hastily walking into the building and to the emergency care ward. I saw Darry and Dally looking like they were finishing up a conversation while Johnny looked confused.

I hadn't seen Darry in 7 years. He looked... different. And not necessarily in a good way. But I saved my translation of what his looks meant for a later time.

Pony and I rushed up and locked him in a firm embrace. Ponyboy was almost as tall as the two of us now and the hug was desperately needed, but we needed Izzie to complete our hug.

After a minute or two, I felt a surprising wetness on my shoulder and realized that Darry was crying. It wasn't as if I'd never sen him cry before, but this was confirmation that the situation was not meant to be taken at all we slowly peeled away from each other, and I took a good long look.

Darry was still the same broad shouldered, muscled man that got him his construction worker aura and his superman persona in the first place. But he looked older, and not just physically. He was paler than his tan complexion usually was. His huge, bloodshot eyes were cushioned by bags a mile long, giving him a zombie raccoon kind of look. His mouth was set into a firm line, a corner quirked up when he noticed that I was staring, but it looked forced.

"What happened?" I finally asked.

He sighed, hands shaking, tears still pooling at the bottom of his eyes. "I can't exactly say. Johnny or Dally would be the better ones to explain."

All eyes shifted to the named duo, both looking at us with far more maturity and confidence than ever expected. "Johnny," Dally started in a voice strange for him. "I think you should start. You're closer to her anyhow."

Johnny opened his mouth to begin rather reluctantly when the doctor ran into the room. "I have news on an Izzie Curtis. Would her family members pleas come with me?"

**Steve P.O.V. **

All seven of us stood up, causing the doctor to give us a run over with his eyes and a further skeptical glance. "I need her legal guardians and any blood relation."

None of us moved to sit back down. We drove here for three hours and we're damn well considered family, blood or not. This was rather bluntly explained to the poor man by Dally and he surrendered rather quickly. Well when you're under the heavy gaze of Dallas Winston and the rest of the group, you can't really say no. I mean, we're kinda big.

The balding man cleared his throat. "Alright, well then, would you all follow me."

We followed him into his office rather quickly, eager to hear any and all news. I'd heard just mere hours ago. I can only imagine how the three that had been here the whole time were feeling.

"Your daughter-" He was cut off immediately.

"Our parents are dead." Pony informed him bluntly, looking out of place in his suit with out company. "We're all her brothers."

The doctor swallowed, obviously unnerved by this whole thing, and started again. "Your sister was in awful condition when she was brought in. Her body was already weakened by various contortions, fractures, bruises, and a minor concussion. Then she... the rather, ahem, long blade was stuck into her stomach struck a few vital organs and caused sever blood loss."

I felt like throwing up. By a quick glance around the room I could tell I was thinking the same thing as just about everyone else.

I've never really been fond of kids. But Izzie was different. I miss the times when this never would have happened. Back when our lives were easy and normal and my dad didn't get drunk and my mom was still alive.

My mom and Mrs. Curtis had gotten pregnant at the same time. My dad and I were thrilled, but me especially. I had always wanted a younger brother to teach how to fight or a younger sister to teach to stay away from them. I wanted something close to what Soda had with his brothers.

But I was scared I'd make a mistake somewhere along the way. There were so many what ifs. I was only 10 at the time. But; what if I dropped the baby? What if I needed to change its diaper or feed it? What if there was an emergency and I didn't know what to do? What if they didn't like me?

Mom had assured me that I'd do fine and left it at that, but I needed reassurance. I needed something more. So I had Soda tutor me on the ways of the older brother. I learned what to do in case of any emergency. I became a babysitting master, which made for good money, but that was besides the point.

After a few months we learned that both of the baby's were girls and I became that more protective of my unborn little sister.

A month before the due date, my mom went into premature labor. We rushed her to this hospital but my mom had bled too much, it was too late to save her and the baby didn't survive either. My dad was launched into a fit of wallowing and self-pity and started getting drunk. He never asked me about how I felt about it. At first it was only on the weekends and during the day when I wasn't home. Then he brought it home, and my grief at losing my mother and baby sister turned to anger. So we fought.

The night Izzie was born was the first time my dad kicked me out of the house. I'd gone to the Curtis' to stay with them and was caught up in her birth without meaning or wanting to be.

They named her Izzie Anne Curtis because Anne would have been my little sister's name. I thought I would hate her because she'd be a painful reminder of what I lost, but I found myself loving her because she was the best qualities my mother had possessed herself; I often wonder if that's coincidence.

"Tell us if she's alive or not." A voice hissed and woke me out of my daydream. It was Johnny. All of us, save Dallas, were surprised at the venom there.

"She's alive." The doctor forced out quickly. "But wouldn't be if you had gotten here a minute later."

The room let out a collective sigh, but there was tension there still. "Now if you'll follow me, you can come see her. And no, she's not awake yet." He answered the unasked question.

We walked down a long, sterile looking hallway and I noted Two-Bit still struggling to suppress his hangover. But we all had bigger problems now. We reached a door with a small window on it. That window was ignored, however, and we pushed into the room, all anxious.

What I saw there nearly broke my heart. Izzie looked like she was growing into a fine woman, not at all like a greaser. Her hair was longer, her face less like a baby but no one cared about that now. She was pale, hooked up to machines I could never come to understand, and covered in bandages.

A nurse was hovering over her, writing furiously on a clipboard and wouldn't give us the time of day if we had asked. Johnny already had tears running down his cheeks and Dally looked feverish and sick. Darry looked like he might end up having a heart attack and landing on a hospital bed next to his sister soon. Pony and my best buddy Soda were suspended as though they couldn't grasp and come to understand what they were seeing. Two-Bit looked as though he wished this were a hangover induced dream that he could wake from. I had no idea how I looked, but I'm sure it's not as numb as I'm feeling.

The nurse and the doctor checked over her one last time before leaving us to ourselves, obviously for some privacy.

Soda ran over and collapsed by her side, like his legs refused to work anymore. "No, no, no, not you baby, no. I promised I'd come back and I didn't" He whispered to her, the tears finally catching up to him.

None of us knew what to do. She seemed unresponsive. I felt the need to check her pulse to see if it were still there at all.

Johnny grabbed her hand in his and stroked it lovingly with his thumb. And, as if startled by the contact, her big blue eyes flickered open.

And they glared accusingly as everyone in the room.

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**Whew, this is the longest chapter in the story so far, so what do you think? **

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